monsters under the bed.

“Don’t work too hard.” “Why do you want to work so hard?” “Slow down.”

I am afraid if I slow down, I will see things as they really are. And I’m not going to like it one bit.

I am afraid if the world stops spinning, if I stand still and look around me, things will never be the same again.

Work is the only thing that keeps me numb, that keeps me sane. Especially the type of work that results in bone-weary tiredness and brings with it the gift of dreamless peaceful sleep. Sleep has been hard to come by. It takes an awful lot of tossing and turning and uncomfortable thoughts. Those moments between switching off the light and trying to get to sleep in the dark are when your worst fears crowd around you, forcing a confrontation.